Mostly Not About The Bike: Can’t Trust This Feelin’
Right now, I feel more like my usual optimistic, hyperactive self than I have felt in months.
In the past, I would’ve assumed that this just meant that I was in a good mood. The past year has left me with a more complex, nuanced reality: I cannot simply assume that I’m in a good mood; it’s like this observer part of me has broken away and is watching to see if this is really the on-ramp to mania.
I’m not going to say it doesn’t feel good to feel better. It does. I’m also not going to say that I don’t intend to enjoy this uptick. I just think I probably ought to try not to over-enjoy it.
Like many athletes, I am evidently programmed to drive myself really hard the minute I start to feel anything like normal (I am, after all, the guy who rode around on a broken tibia in total denial for weeks). Learning to back off the gas a little and take it easy is a challenge for me. Perhaps it’s one I should learn to approach with the same aplomb that I approach everything else.
It’s time for class, so I need to close for now.
Rubber side down, folks!